An Open Letter to Mariah Carey

Dear Mariah,

Before I begin to criticize your stunning (and in a bad way) lyrics to your new (released in June, but this is the first I’ve heard of it) song, “Obsessed,” I will remind you that your concert (as CB and BS can attest) was one of the most entertaining that I have ever attended.  Perhaps it was the concert goers surrounding us.  Whatever, it was a blast. 

That being said, I must now comment on your new single.  Sitting in traffic yesterday, I heard your beautiful voice resonating from my radio.  Woo-hoo, I thought.  As I had nothing, really, to worry about at that time (unheard of!), I listened carefully to your lyrics.  You’ve made some bad decisions in the past–Glitter, your marriage to Nick Cannon, your [alleged] liaison with Eminem…but these new lyrics?

windexWow, Mariah.  Wow.

By far, my absolute favorite was this one:  Seeing right through you like you’re bathing in Windex.   I mean, I can see the connection you’re trying to make.  When people use Windex, it’s generally on windows (unless you are Gus Portokalos.  But you?  You are Mariah Carey.) so that you can clean it and the glass is so clear you can…wait for it…see through it.  But whoa.  That’s a big stretch.  And a lot for your average listener to have to figure out.

While that is the worst of it, there are other astounding lines.  You a mom and pop/I’m a corporation/I’m the press conference/And you a conversation. 

 Or, Saying we up in your house/Saying I’m up in your car/But you in LA and I’m out at Jermaine’s/nick-cannon-mariah-carey
I’m up in the A/You so so lame.

Mariah.  Mariah, Mariah, Mariah.  Why you bein’ all ghetto?  What’s wrong with proper grammar?  Will it take away from the brilliance of your message?  Well, maybe.  But it also adds to the airhead image…you know, the one that wasn’t enhanced, in the least by your marriage to Mr. Cannon.  Still not sure what attracted you to him. He ain’t got talent.  And you are way more successful than he is.  Be careful with that one…

I really don’t know what else to say except that I hope that the rest of the album is a little better than this song. 

Have a good day,




Filed under open letter, pop culture

4 responses to “An Open Letter to Mariah Carey

  1. needspark

    Also Mariah, to further kick the horse, you are not see-through if you take a bath in Windex. Just FYI.

  2. k

    Are you kidding me? It’s supposed to be a metaphor, not literal and I am sure the average listener can figure it out. It’s not that hard to figure out. I think it’s brilliant. Until you can write songs, you shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

  3. cheyenne

    hi i have listened to mariah for years and i love her music but i was watching a video of hers…i wanna say this to you mariah…you have an amazing voice you dont have to show your body off like a common whore just so you can make money…sex appeal is alot now days i know that but you are too beautiful with clothes on just as much as you are without and your voice is what your selling if i am correct not your body… sorry to be harsh but your to beautiful for that…my brother passed away in 2005 and he absolutely loved you and it was not your body he loved it was your voice…please dont sell out just because you think you need to be sexy.


    Hey Mariah,
    Am a big fun of your’s en i love the way u sing,the way u dress.Let nobody make u not to do what u wanna do.Don’t mind bout gossippers coz they’ll never move forward and will never stop you from moving forward.Say hey to Nick for me.I would like to request whether i can have your personal E-mail address coz am a big fun of your’s and i wanna b your friend.GO MARIAH GO.MAY GOD BLESS U.

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