An Open Letter to Rachel Zoe

Dear Rachel,

First of all, you are fabulous.  I know you know that.  But I had to say it.  Not even those real housewives could keep my attention for nine rachel-zoe-bstraight hours.  The only person who could even come close to occupying my time and helping me waste away a bad headache is Jeff Lewis.  Are you guys friends?  That would be bananas. 

Because I spent several hours “with” you this week, I feel like I am now in a position to talk to you.  Like a friend.  And tell you some things that bother me.  Because, of course, some things do.  And, as your friend, I feel like you should know.

  1. Let’s start with the company you keep.  Taylor.  Bad attitude.  With a capital B.  Speaking of capital Bs, she is one.  Some people say you are, but I’d argue you deserve to be.  Taylor?  Not so much.  She has a job anyone would kill for yet she rodgertreats you with disrespect.  (What was with her refusing to work upstairs with your homely assistant, Marissa, and moving her desk and Brad’s from the loft to the main room?  Completely ridiculous.  But way to stand firm on that one.) Sure, she pulls through in the end and gets the Dior dress delivered, or she calls Brad and makes nice after she makes him cry, but come on.  Is she that indispendable?  I say stick with Brad.  Love.  Him.  She does have a good eye, though…maybe she should use that to do something about that hair of hers.  And now we can move on to Rodger.  Really, Rach?  For someone as smart and sophisticated as you are, who spends day upon day with the fashion elite, many of whom include non-heterosexuals, how can you not see that your husband might prefer men to you.  Or, frankly, anyone to you.  And what’s with the extra letter in his name?  Get rid of it please.  Thanks. 
  2. Love your style and wish I could pull it off.  But, there’s a little too much fur.  And animal print. 
  3. Brad is pretty awesome.  He’s useful, he has a good attitude, and who doesn’t love the bow ties and cardigans? 
  4. Where does your daily Venti Starbucks come from?  You’re always drinking it in your robe, and I seriously doubt Rodger actually gets up, gets dressed, heads to bux, and brings it home for you.  And, what exactly is it that you drink? 
  5. Stop being so dramatic.  How many times can you actually die over something within an hour long montage of your life?  You died over a vintage Cartier necklace.  You died over a vintage Dior dress. 
  6. I’m not going to knock you down for being thin.  You work crazy hours, you don’t eat during the day, you just drink Starbucks (but, again, would really like to know what’s in that coffee cup)…your emaciated look is to be expected.  But please promise me you’ll try to eat a cheeseburger.  Or something.cameron
  7. Kind of funny that you always want your clients to own their look when everything that they are wearing is borrowed.  Don’t get me wrong, I’d totally own it if someone let me wear a Chanel dress personally altered by Karl Lagerfeld and some hot Louboutin heels,  just making note of the irony. 
  8. Is Zoe your last name?  Your middle name?  And why is it pronounced “Zo” and not “Zo-ey”?  What’s Rodger’s last name?
  9. How did it feel to be called Raisin Face and Lettuce Cup by Nicole Richie?  Are you guys friends again?  Do you credit her with your burgeoning career?  No one knew who you were before your famous feud, wouldn’t you say?
  10. Do you smoke?  Because you look like you do.
  11. Do you promote the wearing of open toed boots?
  12. What’s with the muumus?  You’re really attentive to what you eat (a little bird told me that you whisper your order of three spears of asparagus nightly at Chateau, I mean, how many fewer calories can you eat in a day) (or should I say don’t eat)  yet you still choose very unform fitting dresses–totally different than the slim silhouettes you choose for Annie and Eva, among others.  I think you might have some serious body issues.   Maybe devote some of the time you spend pushing the wisps of hair to the side of your face (you know what I’m talking about) into some therapy? 

I don’t want to make you cry, so that’s enough for now.  And, really, I think you are bananas.  For real.

XOXO,

La

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9 Comments

Filed under open letter, Reality TV, things i like, tv

9 responses to “An Open Letter to Rachel Zoe

  1. chrommie

    hmm- i may have to watch…

    • Scandinavian in Canada

      I just finished watching several episodes I recorded and I think that I cannot delete them. I LOVE the show. I’m a really skinny and tiny person myself and fed up that my size is always so big deal. Some just are this way naturally with tiny bones and frame and stay this way, too.
      Rachel’s husband is the ultimate pussycat. Cute and very considerate. But most of all, Rachel has an excellent sense of style. She’s the type of person that even with a budget she can put together a combination that looks more expensive than it actually is. I’m just turning 50 and my 17-year old daughter loves the show as much as I do. I truly understand that someone’s “dying” over some pieces. Seemingly small things can really make your day. Weather it is a dress, a beautiful piece of art, a pretty flower or a smile on someone’s face. So what’s bad about that!
      I wish all the best to Rachel and her husband. Rachel, you’re my inspiration. You’re really smart and gifted. Thank you. xxxooo Tous

  2. I want to know if she lies about her age. Wikipedia said she’s 37 and that freaks me out bc she looks aged and is only 8 years older than I am! I don’t want to look that old when 37!

    • wendy

      Scarlet, I am 38 and trust me, I look a good ten years younger than RZ. I love her too but I think the smoking, not eating and stress have really taken their toll on her. I live a very stressful life too but I stay out of the sun, I don’t smoke (which by the way ages you a lot!) and I eat. Not eating will really age your face. Look at the difference between Kate Moss and Kate Winslet both the same age KW looks younger because she has something between her skin and bones, fat and cartilidge which help keep your skin from wrinkling.

  3. been watching it too and i completely agree.

  4. e

    Love your open letter. Keep writing! Very humourous, but serious.lol.

  5. Hope

    i agree…taylor does have a bad attitude…but you should keep in mind how much of that is edited!! i’m sure alot to keep her “character” that way. behind the doors she’s probably not quite as bad as she seem. about rodger…i think he is the best husband to her!! you can look at him and see that he loves rachel dearly. how do you not see that? i think she could actually show him a little more love! last thing, her weight…my whole life i’ve been accused of eating disorders, drugs, etc….i am a very small person just like her and i eat anything and everything. i’m just a very small person. i have never been able to gain weight…i’m 35 by the way. she has a very small frame and also has lots of stress. anyway, i really enjoyed your post. you had some great points!!

  6. lenalu

    Rachel was born in 1962. Her false birthdate was removed from Wiki because it is in error, stating 1971.

  7. Sarah

    YOUR ALL TOTAL BITCHES!! LEAVE HER ALONE HAS HER SIZE GOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU AT ALL I DONT THINK SO. I BET AT LEAST TEN OF YOU ARE OBESE AND YOUR JEALOUS BECAUSE SHE HAS A MUCH BETTER FIGURE. IF YOU HATE HER THAT MUCH JUST DONT WATCH THE SHOW!!
    XOXO

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