Dear Andy Cohen: An Open Letter

Dear Andy,cohen_6-24

Hello!  I’ve been meaning to write you a letter for a while, mostly because I want to ask:  Dude, where the hell did you come from??

All of a sudden, you’re the King of Bravo, a network that is quite obviously full of princesses and queens (Real Housewives, you know I’m talking to you).  I get the whole RH reunion thing, the need to sit down with everyone after the season is over and dish about what happened (even though, it is kind of a rip off on the reunion shows The Bachelor[ette] franchise does…and, come to think of it, you’re kind of a rip off of Chris Harrison…) but what I do not get is this new show you have. 

Those who are not a negative pull to the positive pull of Bravo’s magenticism may not be aware of “Watch What Happens: Live,” which airs at 12 am on Fridays (a mere hour after RHOA ends).  This weekly endeavor is quite interesting–I do enjoy, I guess, how you bring on as guests pertinent members of the Bravo reality television community.  I don’t enjoy, though, your inability to be in front of a camera.  You make it difficult to watch, even when I want to.

Andy, you’re awkward.  And blatantly so.  Is that your shtick?  You have a week to prepare for your show…I know you’re busy doing all of your important Bravo executive stuff, but would it kill you to take a few minutes to go over your lines.  Because, lbh, you’re not flying off the cuff here.  The stuff is obviously written down…and, mostly likely, you’re the one who wrote it.  So learn it, please, and stop reading off the teleprompter.  I can’t explain it, really, other than to say that you just don’t seem comfortable. 

You could also try to be less dry.  Wet wouldn’t be what I mean, but I know you get it.  Relax, kick back.  Don’t look so uncomfortable. You have some phenomenal characters with whom to converse.  I’d say go with the flow.  I mean, I’m not a tv host.  Or an executive.  Or a gay male.  But all of those things put together make you a pretty interesting guy.  Take advantage.  Don’t be so arrogant and lighten up.   Have fun with it so that we can watch the show without feeling as though it’s a bit like torture.  You know we’re going to probably watch anyway, so please help make it enjoyable.  (And, also, it may make it a bit easier if you don’t bring on guests who obviously make you uncomfortable.  I’m talking about Jeff Lewis.)

And, man, if all the ways in which to reach you with our questions is not a prime example of how much technology we have at our fingertips, I don’t know what is.  I can text you, Twitter you, Facebook you, call you, or email you.  By the time I decide which means to choose, your 30 minute show is over.  Speaking of people contacting you…you seem to cut people off when they call.  Often.  Why hang up on them before the guests answer the question?

I do like your 25 second lightning round, though.  That’s pretty amusing.  And if you could have Jeff Lewis on every week, that would be great. 

Thanks. 

XOXO, La

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4 Comments

Filed under Annoying People, open letter, pop culture, Reality TV, tv

4 responses to “Dear Andy Cohen: An Open Letter

  1. James Borden

    Queens? I thought you were talking about Tim Gunn!…and yes, I know that Project Runway is now on Lifetime, but that’s just too good of a joke to pass up.

  2. MissMiami

    La,

    I thought your above questions to Rachel Zoe were obvious and not really mysteries (old news). That show is fine. Everyone knows the answers to those questions you posed of her, but I am totally down with your Andy Cohen column. I was watching this yesterday thinking the same things and found myself wanting to email, call, twitter, tweet, chat, skype, text, facebook and/or write to him or send him a telegraph and say exactly that:

    Who are you? Where did you come from? You’re so awkward! This is hard to watch! You’re not funny, witty, amusing! Stop waving your gay flag so high, we get it already: you’re an advocate for gays or something.

    And I wanted write to Bravo and say the Watch What Happens Live show is a really great idea, but please get a real host. One that is entertaining and can actually converse and coherently interact with the guests….I mean if you can’t hang out with Tom Colicchio and make it interesting….I’m just waiting and hoping for Cohen’s contract to run out so they can replace him.

  3. joel

    Hi Andy,
    Eversince i saw you on TV, i already had a big crush on you. You are not only entertaining and smart but also very handsome. I am very happy to know when i found out that you are gay and proudly out. More power to your shows and hope to meet you in person.

    all the best;
    joel
    asian fan

  4. LEE DEANGELO

    GO AWAY , I CANT STAND THE SIGHT OF YOU OR THE SOUND OF YOU, I LIKE THE HOUSE WIFES THEY NEED TO FIND SOME ELSE TO DO THE SHOW, HOUSE WIFES IS GREAT PEOPLE CANT STAND YOU.

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